Kangaroo very 1st Speech for this New Year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
*shows spastic smile*

Actually I do not see the purpose of celebrating New Year.
To put in simpler terms, New Year is just an anniversary of
of planet Earth having completed 1 round around the Sun.
It is pointless to celebrate that because
it is just a geographical and astronomical minor phenomenon.


Anyway I have enjoyed this New Year; I was kept busy
entertaining my relatives with Kangaroo Tricks, the seemingly
endless piles of homework and going Public places to show
my spastic smile. :)

Writing this post in red is an effort to remind those overly-excited
low-life children of this New Year.
Yes, I know I'm kind.
But yet again I have succumbed to the immense
temptation and pressure of praising myself.
I KNOW I'm NICE! YAY! :D

I really love my teachers and classmates!
Teachers like Layen, Suresh, Quanloong have shown sincere
efforts to expand my bank of knowledge by giving homework this
festive season.
On behalf of 3Shea, I shall thank you for being so
thoughtful and friendly to us in this New Year.
Instead of spending the (yet again) meaningless quality time with
our parents and friends and celebrating the location of planet Earth,
we have dedicated ourselves to
STUDIES!

This would aid me in fulfilling my aspirations of
completing 5724 sets of assignments
and in the process, achieve 5724 qualifications of
jobs like Caretaker of Kangaroos, Conservationists of Kangaroos etc.
Thank you teachers. :)

I AM ON CLOUD NINE BECAUSE I HAVE A LONG LIST OF HOMEWORK
WAITING FOR ME TO COMPLETE!
YAY! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

NEW YEAR IS MEANINGFUL WITH HOMEWORK.

But I was rather disappointed by the programmes shown by Channel Egg this year.
Haiz.

No more "Godzilla VS Ultraman". No more "Reminiscence of Kangaroos".
WHAT THE HELL LAA~ *whiny voice*
I was utterly disappointed by this whole affair!

I cried infront of my relatives when I saw the TV schedule.
9.00am - Kangaroo Ke Robs Headlines
10.00am - Passion for Fashion SPECIAL (2 episodes)
12.00nn - Documentary Special : Kangaroo Slaughter
6.00pm - Analysis Special : Irritating Kangaroos
12.00am - CLOSED

NOTICE that there is NO "Godzilla VS Ultraman".
NOTICE that there is NO "Reminiscence of Kangaroos".

Instead it's filled with junk shows like Passion for Fashion and Rob Headlines.
WHAT THE HELL LAA~ *whiny voice*
To make it worse, there is even a documentary on kangaroo slaughter!
To make it much much worse, there is a riduculous and ludicrous report
on irritating kangaroos.
HOW CAN KANGAROOS BE IRRITATING?

AM I IRRITATING?
Obviously I'm not.
WHAT THE HELL LAA~ *whiny voice*

So I wrote a complain consisting of 5724 words to KangarooCorp hoping in mind that
in the future, they should carefully allocate appropriate and meaningful programmes
on Channel Egg.

"Godzilla VS Ultraman" - "Reminiscence of Kangaroos"
It is an extremely meaningful show!
Not only does it closely associate to the topics like
Quantum Physics and Physics of Momentum
due to the movements of robots and kangaroos,
it also instills a strong sense of childishness!

This would ensure an overly stressed out student
like me who experiences a loss of direction due to
the extremely little amount of homework given
by the teachers,
be reminded of childhood and studies at the same time.

This serves as an indirect education tool in which would aid me in fulfilling my aspirations of
completing 5724 sets of assignments
and in the process, achieve 5724 qualifications of
jobs like Caretaker of Kangaroos, Conservationists of Kangaroos etc.

CAUTION: This author suffers from severe mental imbalance and alienistic disease.







To set you people thinking, here's the question for today.

ARE KANGAROOS IRRITATING?

Hypothesis: Kangaroo Ke never fails to give a reply filled with redundant and rhetorical rubbish.

Evidence:

1. Sypnosis- Sometimes when you ask KE a simple question and what you expect is a simple answer, you’re suddenly overwhelmed and piled under an overachieving PRC scholar standard answer. However, it does not make you feel stupid for her long winded, bombastic self. Instead, you get really annoyed with her redundant array of butterfly words.

Person: Where are you going to eat?

KE: A high-class restaurant which exceeds immaculate perfection in which the chef must posess estimable finesse who must be able to whip up a sublime concoction of a delectable platter. Not forgetting an empathetic and genial ambience with mellow chill out music to groove to, and I have to depart contented and gratified with their superb service!’ (i’m sorry, scrumptious is a word only simpletons use.)

Person: ... Okay.

2. Sypnosis- Nothing beats this most ultimate redundant and irritating question in terms of idioticy.

*Over the phone*

Person: How are you, KE?

KE: *no sound* ... ME?

:) Who else is on the line genius? Frequency Waves?
Committing that mistake over the phone is even a dumber mistake.

*Real Life Discussion in Classroom*

Person: *LOOKS at KE*
So what opinion do you have regarding the freedom of kangaroos?

KE: *stares at blank space*
*lags time*
Huh, ME? *points at herself in a very shocking manner*

:)Noooooo... that stranger over there.

Well, it happens to her over the msn as well ...
Perhaps KE suffers from a medical condition of pondering over self-existence and disregarding oneself.
Or perhaps the depleting ozone layer and excessive Ultraviolet Rays over at Australia is frying her brain cells. :)




*Ahem* (KANGAROO KE'S SPEECH)
Class, here is the suggestion I have came up with after thinking for 5 hours, 7 minutes and 24 seconds. In order to solve the problem in regards to the unity of the class 3Shea, I feel that we should suit our character, attitude and looks accordingly to the Chinarians. :)
First of all, all of you shall pull up your socks literally and figuratively.
We must strive in our studies to be coherent with their unquestionably impeccable pace of learning to bring about the unity of the class.
We must also pull up our socks until it is roughly 15cm above our ankle. Please be reminded that at all times, we shall carry a dull and expressionless face too. This is an effort to standardise our attire and appearance to ensure the closeness of the class. Also, I have added a new rule to the set of class rules we are currently under.

UNDER Section No. 5724, clause #10, part c, any teacher or student who fail to reach the exact criteria of the 15cm length of sock above the ankle would be liable to 5724 minutes of mimicking, talking and behaving like a Chinarian.

This is the devastating consequence if you do not abide by this class rule.
Anyway, you people must be more open-minded!
Take a close look at me. What do you see? You must have seen my capability in adapting to this new environment! In just a few seconds, I have made a new best friend named DownZe! You know why we match off so well? It is because we are open-minded to each other's differences and shortcomings! I may be too pretty and friendly, but DownZe has embraced this new challenge to accept me! Yes, I know that DownZe is too boring-looking and nerdy, but I accepted her as well! So please take me as a perfect example. :)
If Kangaroo can do it, why can't you?
Class, I will try to plan frequent class-bonding activities whether it is covalent, ionic or dative. We must bond as a class! I will try to get tickets to China for all of you to visit their parents so as to understand the cultural difference amongst us and learn how to accept it accordingly. I know all of you can't wait to get to China to have a close look at their living environment. I know my plans are perfect. But please do not get too excited!! :D
I AM SO EXCITED AS WELL! I CANNOT WAIT TO GET TO CHINA! Haha.
没关系没关系! Keep quiet please!

OI! KEEP QUIET PLEASE!
Let me continue my speech, you overly-excited low-life children! I believe that Miss Vijayaletchumiyadizumiyalibolliwodiyalayimimi would accept this perfect proposal creatively designed by me, Kangaroo Ke. Yes, I know I'm too good to be true!
Instead of relying on unreliable sources like Christofu, Shitla and Ningxin (a.k.a CSN), I have learnt to be an independent learner and thinker to come up with this undefeatable plan that upholds justice in the class of 3Shea. Yes, I know you think that I'm very smart.
But I will TRY to be humble here because apparently, I enjoy the higher stature and superior of being an insufferable dunno-all-act-know-all who proves incapable of self-resisting to praise myself.
Do you know what this process of bonding is called?
No, it is not covalent bonding, Downze.
No, it is not ionic bonding either, Clothes.
No, it is not dative bonding either, Kitty.

Ans: This is the process of diffusion.
It is the net movement of Singaporeans from a region of higher concentration shifting to a lower concentration of Chinarians. Yes, I know that diffusion is passive transport since it does not require the expenditure of ATP (Adenosine Triphosphate) from organisms or energy from particles to transport substances down a concentration gradient, but don't you think we have been putting effort and energy to bond the class? Yes, some of us are.
With the exception of hopeless cases, I believe all of us have put in effort to share a common identity with the Chinarians in terms of appearance, character and attitude. So this furthermore proves my point that my proposal is PERFECT. :)
Thank you for your unconditional attention, thank you.

*SHOWS SPASTIC SMILE* :DD




*show commences*
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Susila Gan: Welcome back to Passion for FASHION! I am Susila Gan, your dearest fashion reporter. Today I will bring you what's the latest trend for Chinese New Year and what's the most outdated style. Following that, we have 10 role models who SCREWED THEMSELVES UP during this festive season!


Susila Gan: The latest trend for Chinese New Year this year is the Zebra Style! Obviously, the theme for this year's CNY is Black and White Stripes! Accompanying that, we have all the talk about black and white bangles and the Explosion-hairstyle with highlights of white. Aren't you all excited?! Now, we shall invite Auntie Qing Cai to talk about the Explosion-hairstyle!


Auntie Qing Cai: This time, we cannot usehh the Adurah's High Quality Gel arr, it is not adheshive enoughh. I used the new secret formula adapted from the production of UHU Superglue. It ishh called the Woohoo's High Quality SuperGel. It is very very sticky hor. To start, we usehh the Woohoo's High Quality SuperGel and try to pull bundhles of hair straight.

*starts applying thick heavy Gel on model's hair*


Auntie Qing Cai: Sidetrack hor, this gel cost $89.90, but thishh show arr got promotion, if you call in to buy right, you get it at the priceshh of $39.90. Cheap Right! After pulling the bundhles of hair straight. We use our common stationary, LIQUID PAPER, to highlight our hair. Look for the most centre bundle and just SQUEEZESH all the liquid paper over it ah. Then we are done. Isn't the Explosion-hairstyle eashhy? And it blends in with this year's theme of Zebra Style! Now, back to Miss Susila hor.


Susila Gan: Thank you very much, Auntie Qing Cai. We will have Miss Berry Inn to talk about what accessories and clothing everyone should have for this CNY. Miss Berry Inn, please.


Berry Inn: For this year, we have the Zebra Style. For our clothing, in order to prevent repetitive designs of just black and white stripes, we can have different black and white patterns. For example, we have the black and white columns, alternatively there are black and white circles, if not, spirals. Also, we have black flowers with white petals, and white flowers with black petals. The most outstanding one being the black and white swirls pattern. Now why the Zebra Style was chosen this year is due to the illusional effect that it offers. It is sure to dazzle everyone. Furthermore, these black and white patterns are very abstract and it provides an alternative to your boring RED.


Berry Inn: Let's move on to accessories. Now the combination of black and white bangles is very common. I suggest that we use authentic zebra products which include, zebra rings, zebra bands and et cetera. These accessories help enhance the illusional effect that your black and white clothing provides and thus they are very important. Our aim this year is to bring out the beauty in "classic" colours, although black and white are not deemed as colours. For shoes, we can have your plain old black or white high heels. Remember that your shoe design should be not too flashy as our main focus here is your clothing and accessories. The reason for choosing high heels is that it provides height, and women who look taller emit a greater air of elegance. We shall move on to the next section of the show, Susila please.


Susila Gan: I shall now talk about the most outdated style for this CNY. For this 2007, red is deemed a boring colour for CNY. We wouldn't want to look like red packets walking around, do we? Furthermore red looks damn ancient. Now let's imagine if a Kangaroo were to wear red, it would look it just came from a murder crime scene, now with the black and white theme explained above, the kangaroo will be sure to attract everyone's attention with the illusional patterns of the zebra style clothing. Reports sent in narrated that the public was utterly disgraced by Miss Zhang, a teacher from some school who wore some red clothing and she looked like she walked out of the Museum of China Artefacts. One word to describe this. Gross. So, this CNY, NEVER, I emphasise, NEVER EVER WEAR RED.


Susila Gan: For the next section of the show, we will list you 10 famous people in our famous society who has met with a fashion disaster, and why you should never follow their fashion sense, based on polls conducted.

1.) Miss Egg - for having a horrid level hairstyle and being too round, making her look like some ancient egg walking around. One word I'll give, Doomed. Don't roll down the hill, dear.

2.) Miss Kangaroo - for having such a WONDERFUL hairstyle which depicts the tail of a kangaroo and having such modern shades which scare the creeps out of normal human beings. Highly recommended for acting as a freak in some freakshow.

3.) Mrs Wound - although the Zebra Style is in this year, I am afraid her Zebra style looks like she just got released from prison. Goodness gracious, pretend I never said that.

4.) Miss Sueyou - for having such straight hair which makes everyone "envious" of her and excessive use of One Day Acuvue Define, makes it seems that her eyes are gonna drop out. Just plain old ugly.

5.) Miss Zhang - as elaborated above for looking like some possessed China doll, seemingly originating from some Museum of Ancient China Artefacts. Exorcism, anyone?

6.) Mrs Meow - for having a visor which seems like a Sahara Desert Hat, and owning some weirdo design sunglasses. This made her look like some terrorist, which urged the public to report her. I believed that majority of the public got fined.

7.) Mr Cube - for having too flashy and colourful buttons, our theme is black and white this year, remember? We believe that he has too much money to invest on buttons.

8.) Mr Prize - for having long pants that are too short which would never cover his socks. Utter shame, we believe he needs some FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE.

9.) Mr Demonic Dragon - for having such ugly hairstyle which makes him look like 40+ when he's only 30+, please get a hair cut. Eligible for Financial Assistance plan as well.

10.) Mr Lai - for regarding unbuttoned clothes as displaying the greatest fashion sense which is totally untrue unless our theme of the year is "Striking Nude". Apparently, it's not.

My, my, avoiding these 10 people's fashion sense, I am sure your fashion will never go wrong and you will dazzle this CNY. An early CNY to all viewers! Oops, time's up. Remember to catch me, Susila Gan on Episode 3 of PASSION for FASHION! And remember to call our hotline, 6PASSION/67277466 if you want to order the Woohoo's High Quality SuperGel
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We would like to clarify that all content are PURELY fictional and not to be taken seriously into account.
Thank you very much for supporting us :)
A Production of Channel ThreeShea.




*show commences*
------------------------------------------------------------------
Fanny Chai: Welcome to the debut of this new show "Kangaroo Sums". I am Fanny Chai, your host for this show. In your everyday life, I am sure you would have encounters with this Australian marsupial and have enquiries about it, thus this show is created to answer these questions from a mathematical perspective. Now, we will randomly pick a question from what our viewers has sent us.

*dips hand into big red box with red packets pasted all over it*


Fanny Chai: Now, for today, here goes our lucky question from Mr I Failed Maths.


Mr I Failed Maths: While I was driving on the highway, this kangaroo with this tag 'Kang En' suddenly jumped out and I knocked it down. I was very scared and I drove off, and I feel very guilty about it for being so evil and irresponsible. I would like to ask if "Kangaroos are evil."


Fanny Chai: In response to Mr I Failed Maths, I would like to comment that Kangaroos are not evil, they are doubly all evil. Now let's look at the whiteboard.

*camera focuses on whiteboard*


Fanny Chai: As we all know, all Kangaroos require money, time, food and care. Therefore, this formula is derived.

Kangaroos = Money X Time X Food X Care


Fanny Chai: From the famous saying, "Time is Money".

Time = Money


Fanny Chai: Using common sense, to buy Food for the kangaroos, you need Money as well.

Food = Money


Fanny Chai: To care for kangaroos, we need to enlist professional help and money is required to pay them.

Care = Money


Fanny Chai: Therefore, we will proceed with the following step.

Kangaroos = Money X Time X Food X Care
Kangaroos = Money X Money X Money X Money
Kangaroos = Money ^4


Fanny Chai: From another famous saying, we know that "Money is the root of ALL EVIL." Now, let's substitute Evil into the equation.

Kangaroos = Money X Time X Food X Care
Kangaroos = Money ^4
Money = Sq. root of ALL EVIL.
Money ^4 = ALL EVIL ^2
Therefore, Kangaroos = ALL EVIL ^2


Fanny Chai: We have now proven that Kangaroos are doubly ALL EVIL, and that concludes the show for today. Please send in your enquires to ilovekangaroosums@hotmail.com. Thanks to all for their support. Remember to tune in to the next episode!!!!!!!!
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We would like to clairfy all content in the show are PURELY fictional and not to be taken seriously into account.
Thank you very much for your support :)
A Production of Channel ThreeShea.




*show commences*
--------------------------------------------------------------
Bubblebuff Gals: Hello everybody! We are the hosts for this show..."Cartoon of the Week"! We bring you 30 minutes of any random cartoon by spinning the "Wheel of Cartoons" first!

*spins the Wheel of Cartoons*

*pointer lands on Pockeymon*

Bubblebuff Gals: Thus, our lucky cartoon of the week is POCKEYMON! Enjoy!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Narrator: Ghengar and friends continue their journey after defeating Koala previously using the skill, Pockey Cannon, just learnt by Ghengar.

Ghengar: Everybardy, let's march! Satu, duwahhhh! Satu, duwahhhh!


Honter: This is stewpig.


Gharstly: I ahgwee.


Trio: *continues marching*


Kangaroo: *jumps out*
ROARRRRR!


Ghengar: Just becoarse you make scary noises, doesn't mean I am afwaid of you.


Honter: This is stewpig.


Gharstly: I ahgwee.


Kangaroo: How dare you insult my kangaroo kind, with your poor vocabulary!
*throws Pockey sticks at trio*


Ghengar: *receives them and eat them up*
It's so delishious! I shall use my speshial move, Vomit!
*spits Pockey lump at Kangaroo*


Kangaroo: Haiyak! I shall use Hi Jump Whip!
*uses tail to whack lump back*


Ghengar: This ish so borang. We go for a nap first.


Honter: This is stewpig.


Gharstly: I ahgwee.


Kangaroo: HOW CAN YOU ALL DO THIS? WROARRR!!! I shall use my ultimate move, Pockey throwing sticks!
*fires Pockey sticks with a revolver*


Ghengar: *Yawns and burps*
*Pockey sticks crumble into pieces*
*Sneezes*
*Shoots Pockey crumbs back at Kangaroo*
*Pockey crumbs flies into Kangaroo's eyes*


Kangaroo: AHH! I can't see! My eyes hurt! AHHH!
*whips tail violently and knocks down all surrounding trees*
*hops off quickly*
WROAR! I WILL BE BACK FOR REVENGE!


Honter: This is stewpig.


Gharstly: I ahgwee.


Narrator: Thus, Ghengar saves the day with her sub-conscious skill "Burp" which chased Kangaroo off. Now, the trio will move on to Ghost town for the Annual Ghost Gathering held during the 7th month, in search of the Holy Ghengar Heirloom which will boost the powers of Ghengar.


Honter: This is stewpig.


Gharstly: I ahgwee.
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Bubblebuff Gals: Remember to tune in to Cartoon of the Week every Monday on 9.30PM. BYEBYE! Adios! Ciao! Aloha! Zai Jian!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
We would like to clarify all content in the show are PURELY fictional and not to be taken seriously into account.
Thank you very much for your support :)
A Production of Channel ThreeShea.




*show commences*
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Bai Mei Wei: Welcome to... our latest gossip news show named "Alliance of Big Mouth Women" where you get the juiciest, ripest information of the hottest topics present. Joining us is our top spy, Miss Woof, the most efficient paparazzi of the decade!


Miss Woof: WOOF! WOOF!


Bai Mei Wei: Miss Woof reports that the latest scandal is the embezzlement of the class fund by Kang En, it is rumoured that she made use of the money to buy a budget airline tix to Suzhou to visit Sally's parents and ask for their approval for their marriage. LOVE IS SO NOBLE! Wait a second... latest reports sent in states she actually went to Shanghai to spread faith in the newly-formed religion named KangKang-ism.


Bai Mei Wei: Now, the second news we are gonna report is about the expensive set lunches bought are donated to the third world children, Miss Woof states that this lady named Lee Kang En has adopted since 1992 ten thousand third world children, how lucky they are to receive help from such a benevolent lady, I am sure that she will win the Nobel Peace Prize. Hold that thought... We received a letter from one of the third world children that Miss Lee Kang En is sponsoring, it goes like this:


TWC: Miss Lee bad! Miss Lee bad! She let us hungry, we hate her! She give us fresh droppings to eat! Inhumane! Boo!


Bai Mei Wei: What cruelty displayed, a sign of discrimination. Shame on you, Miss Lee Kang En. We move on to the newest movie that is coming up, named "Carnival", which stars Miss Lee Kang En. This inspirational movie touches on the humanity of kangaroos and how they help humans fight off an alien invasion. Co-starring Lai Jian Qin, Chen Suyu. We are very sure that it would be a BLOCKBUSTER! Hmm... we received a review of the movie from our local movie critic Monet Vista Emilia.


Monet Vista Emilia: It was the most horrid movie I ever saw, all I saw were horrible acting by seemingly deformed kangaroos and some weird beings with horrific pimples which ejected green gooey pus. I didn't know why I have even chose to watch this movie, I just won a sneak preview of this show while I bought my branded goods at Bimbo Square.


Bai Mei Wei: Based on the ratings that the box office gave, this movie has received the lowest of all times, with a score of 7 x 10^-9 out of 10, Carnival has been nominated for the "Worst Movie Rating Award". Box office has also reported 0 viewings (rounded down to nearest 1000). Miss Chen Sue You, director states that she has invested $57.2 Million Pounds in this movie. We have calculated for our dear viewers that the loss made in the production of this movie is approximately $57.199991 Million Pounds.


Bai Mei Wei: FK-3 Products will be given out as prizes weekly, and they are worth $500 per set. Only 10 lucky winners will win them per week, so SMS your answers to this number, 99567824 and stand a chance to win FK-3 Products, NOW! Our question this week is~~

Please state the number of children adopted by Miss Lee Kang En:
Is it a) 1992,
b) 10,000,
c) 7 x 10^-9,
d) 57,200,000 or
e) 57,199,991

Remember, SMS your answers to this number, 99567824. Only 10 FK-3 Products are to be won, GRAB THEM NOW!

Please remember to tune in to "Alliance of Big Mouth Women" every Thursday on 11pm. I am Bai Mei Wei, signing off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
We would like to clarify all content in the show are PURELY fictional and NOT to be taken seriously into account.
Thank you very much for your support :)
A production of Channel ThreeShea.